I awoke early yesterday morning from a nightmare of an earthquake. It was incredibly realistic. Turns out there were four earthquakes in Italy just around the time I was dreaming. Not aware of this yet, however, I chose to interpret my dream metaphorically.
I have always dreamed occasionally of impending doom and disasters, natural or otherwise— earthquakes, floods, bombs, falling elevators, housefires, car accidents. I used to panic. But in the last few years I have impressed myself with how I cope. First there is a quick shock as I comprehend my and/or the world’s impending demise. Then, an instant realization that I can do something to change the course of events. Next, my own joyful acceptance of the situation averts the disaster magically and I wake up refreshed.
But this was different. No joyful acceptance. No fear, exactly. I felt annoyed and powerless. It was like: “Oh crap, do I have to die NOW? How inconvenient! I have so much more to get done!”
This overtly mirrors how I feel at times in general lately. Not always. (Friends, do not worry!) Some mornings I bounce out of bed with a happy sense that wonderful things can happen. But others, I am more overwhelmed than eager. However much I might want to crawl back into bed though, I still get up every morning and face the day. Especially yesterday, not wanting to slip back into the earthquake.
I know I’m not alone in feeling this combination of overwhelm and impending doom. If you put any faith in astrology, you can blame Jupiter. And for me, I can blame a lot on menopause! On a more global scale we can blame the media and technology for the huge volume of information that we’re confronted with all at once. We can blame our bosses and schools, who heap us with more projects and responsibilities than any one person should be expected to handle. We can blame our own shortened attention spans, due in no small part to our own choices, but also to those choices being manipulated by powerful corporate interests. We get distracted, sometimes unwittingly and sometimes willingly, because we feel the need to escape the very real scary stuff going on in the world politically, environmentally, etc. There is so much beyond our control, so much suffering.
And of course, at this moment, beyond our control, is the imminent US presidential inauguration. This feels like a genuine disaster. OK, that’s hyperbole, but certainly there will be serious consequences that play out in the next days, months and years. Further speculation I’ll leave to the pundits.
So, this is the Big Picture. What’s going on in my very own Little Picture? After finally publishing a book that took over two decades and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, I feel like I “should” be enjoying more relief and satisfaction. I do feel these things, but they’re overshadowed by looming tasks: jobs I need to undertake if I actually want the book to succeed out there in the big world. Tasks that don’t immediately seem enjoyable to me but daunting and draining.
My “to do” list in other areas is also pretty long, but it’s all mostly stuff I enjoy. However, this still poses challenges on my time and energy management. I can hear Derek in my head, talking about priorities. That’s the darn thing; for every complaint or problem I have, our very own book provides a multitude of ways to deal with it.
So, for right now, here’s one:
Take just one step.
We know these days how important it is to learn how to just BE. It can be really healing to just sit quietly and enjoy the moment, to detach for a while from striving and self-criticism and the craziness of the outside world. It’s really important. But, it’s equally important to DO. What’s the point of living on this amazing planet as a human bestowed with an amazing body and brain, and then just sitting?
Ideally, we want a balance between being and doing. This keeps us engaged yet not overwhelmed, able to make a difference for ourselves and others. We don’t have to go from A to Z in a one leap. We don’t have to save the world single-handedly. So, sometimes, if you feel overwhelmed by bad dreams, literal or metaphorical, open the door and take a step. Each step leads to another, which leads to another.
After breakfast, I put on my raincoat and headed out for a walk. And suddenly I looked into the sky and felt more than ready to face the day.
SEE with a WHY 