Ours.
My husband wasn’t much for birthdays. He pretty much celebrated life every day. But he knew how much I loved birthdays, and would always ensure that I had a special time on THE DAY. I am missing him right now.
Last year was my 50th, and I went full tilt, writing a music blog every day for the 50 days leading up to my birthday. Then I did a racy photo shoot in my birthday suit. Then I recorded and shot a goofy music video for Youtube. I also held a musical recital for my friends, working on my repertoire for months, polishing and memorizing every song. It was so touching and meaningful to have friends come and appreciate the results of all my hard work. I was on a roll! I felt at my most alive and creative and fit
But this year’s different. I haven’t accumulated many more wrinkles or lost too many brain cells, but 51 does feel like an anticlimax. I am trying to see it in a positive light, though. I have nothing to prove. I can rest on my laurels!
I recently read Escape from Camp 14, the biography of Shin Dong-hyuk, who grew up in an internment camp in North Korea. The extent of his deprivation is truly shocking. Prisoners there were treated little better than livestock. He had only vague concepts of the outside world and freedom, and few experiences of love or joy. The only happiness for Shin was a full stomach, which was a rare occurrence. There was certainly little to celebrate, and no holidays were observed except the birthday of the country’s leader, Kim Jong-il’s. From what I gathered, he wouldn’t have understood that in most cultures common folk celebrate their birthdays annually.
As a young adult, Shin escaped the prison camp, apparently the only one to do so. One could imagine that the experience of freedom in the outside world would be exciting, and that with all the possibilities and choices at his fingertips, that he would have been overjoyed. But it didn’t work out that way. He found it incredibly challenging to navigate this freedom, and learn the ropes—getting a job, making friends, even simply using money—but it was equally difficult navigating his own expanding sense of morality and blossoming concept of “self”.
As a result of being physically beaten and tortured in the camp, he suffers from PTSD. He was also psychologically abused, brainwashed to believe that he was worthless. This is something that couldn’t simply be overcome, even though he has made true friends who love and support him. He feels enormous guilt for his own dishonesty and cruelty, for choices he made that hurt others, despite his having little choice if he wanted to keep living. He doesn’t know how to forgive or love himself.
On a much smaller scale, many of us are similarly lacking in compassion and positive regard for ourselves. Our birthday may feel like any other day. But, as self-indulgent as it may seem, we SHOULD celebrate our birthdays. It’s a way to combat depression, anxiety, loneliness, apathy and indifference. In a world that sometimes seems so full of misery, violence and injustice, a world that seems to celebrate all the wrong values, birthdays can remind us about the small things that bring us joy. Like cake! And singing together. And friends. These are actually no small things.
We have a socially sanctioned day to appreciate our own greatness! And we have the opportunity to make wishes for the year ahead, to start a new chapter. I like having a birthday on Samhain, which is Wiccan New Year. I feel like I have some collective energy behind the intentions I set! But I can also guarantee that there are folks who share your birth date. Imagine combining the strength of all your wishes!
I am sometimes saddened to hear when people don’t like birthdays. OK, I get it if you’re so spiritually evolved that you don’t have an ego and don’t even subscribe to the idea that individual identity is a thing. Aside from those folks, other people find celebrations just plain over-stimulating. I get that too. But, if it’s because you don’t want to be reminded you’re a year older, or if you feel that it’s “just a day like any other day”, then get over it! Why not take the opportunity to celebrate the miracle of your own existence?
My mum loved celebrations, and would often write me poems and make hand-crafted cards, along with delicious cakes from scratch. I appreciated the efforts she went into, and I grew into that kind of person myself, although I have to say that it seems to take more energy these days to make things by hand. But birthdays remind us to let our friends and family know they’re important to us. I am truly thankful for the people in my life.
My husband taught me this song, and now I share it with you:
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to me,
Every day we are born,
And every day we are free.
It is a gift just to be alive.
SEE with a WHY 